Prepare an observation rather than an accusation
Write down what happened in terms another person could check: a report arrived after the agreed deadline, or a briefing omitted a customer requirement. Avoid guessing motives. “You do not care” invites an argument about character; a specific observation gives both people something concrete to examine and correct.
Explain the effect and ask for their perspective
Describe how the situation affects work, then leave room for information you may not have. A deadline slip could involve a dependency, unclear priorities or a skill gap. Listen to the answer before defending your original interpretation. Checking understanding does not mean abandoning the standard; it helps you identify a workable response.
Make the request clear enough to act on
State the action, owner and timing you want to agree. Replace “communicate better” with an observable request, such as flagging a likely delay before a particular review meeting. Ask the other person to explain what they understand the next step to be. This exposes differences that a polite “yes” may conceal.
Match the conversation to its seriousness
Use a private setting when the subject concerns individual performance or sensitive information. Pause if emotion prevents useful discussion. Some matters need a formal process or appropriate specialist support; an informal communication technique is not a substitute for those responsibilities. Training scenarios should help people recognise both constructive wording and the limits of their role.
Worked example: A missed deadline, discussed specifically
Instead of “You always leave things late”, a team lead says, “The last two updates arrived after our review meeting, so the team could not use them. What is getting in the way?” After discussing a dependency, they agree a shorter provisional update and an escalation time. The conversation produces a practical agreement rather than a debate over whether “always” is fair.
Put it into practice
- Separate observation from interpretation.
- Explain the work impact.
- Listen for missing context.
- Agree an action, owner and review point.